This morning I decided to stop in for a bite at a popular fast food chain. I won’t name them because I don’t want to get a C & D or to get sued in some fashion. Besides, the location wasn’t important. What was interesting to me was the person that took my order. Her name was Rebecca. She lives with her daughter who has several children. Rebecca also falls back asleep after her alarm goes off.
Why do I know all of this after a two minute McEgg and cheese biscuit ordering exchange?
Because Rebecca is like all of society. She only cares about herself. The difference is that Rebecca wasn’t smart enough to pretend to listen to other people. Our conversation went like this:
Her: Good morning, may I take your order?
Me: I’d like a number 3 with a medium decaf.
Her (after awkwardly moving her fingers up and down on the machine like they were part of an independent dance routine she wasn’t invited to and had never seen before): I’m sorry, I am so tired. Didn’t get any sleep last night.
Me: Me too… I spent all night first scoring heroine, and then injecting it until I thought the needle was telling me secrets.
Her (mind you, she never skipped a beat or acknowledged I spoke): My grandkids were in and out of my bed all night long. They just want their grandma, I guess.
Me: I know what you mean, I kidnapped several children last night. All of them were crying and whining about their parents. I told them their parents had died but that didn’t calm them down at all.
Her: Then my daughter came in my room and told me work was on the phone. I said “Well they must want me to come in early”. She said no, they said you’re late. I jumped up and had to hurry and get in here and now my whole day is off!
Me: I get like that when I take a life. The adrenaline rush is too much and I have the shakes for a good 4 or 5 hours afterwards. Right?
Her: Yeah, exactly. Your order will be up in a minute!
On the surface, I had just told the women I abused heroine, kidnapped children and murdered several people (none of which were true, you god damn apes). More importantly though, she slept through her alarm clock.
I guess I was just being selfish.