Since the last time we spoke, my mother faked her own kidnapping. I am trying to figure out a way to make that more interesting than it already comes across in a single sentence.
For now though, I noticed I have a lot of texting mishaps where I am misunderstood. Usually it’s a simple typo, but the other end always goes away feeling as if I’m a douche. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a self improvement exercise, I went back and looked at my more recent texts. I’ll let you be the judge.
For the record, it was supposed to be a frowny face. I was going to tell him that, but there was a cool commercial on TV for a Hot Wheel race track that glowed in the dark and I got distracted.
He is leaving off the part where he shoved my remote down the front of his pants. Puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it?
The next one is from a shut in friend of mine. Maybe he would be able to look society in the eye if he didn’t do dumb things.
Am I a dick? I think not. The evidence clearly shows, these are all honest mistakes.
You. Rock.
Thank you, sir!